Pouring

The great Lu-Tze once said, "Is it not written that when it rains it pours?" It has been pouring non-stop.  I met a sweet and amazing guy, I alienated a friend, I confessed to 5 people, I received an assistantship at graduate school, I heard from my traveling German ex-boyfriend after a month, I'm getting to see old friends again, I have time to breathe before working non-stop the rest of the year.  I am awash in emotion.  I wish I could think of one thing at once, I wish I could feel one thing at a time.  Or maybe I want things to happen, to be right this time.  Would it be easier to have gotten married right out of college like I didn't want to?  Would it be easier to have the American dream with a house in suburbs three children and two dogs?  Is it easier to be what you should be rather than you want to be?  No...it's pretending.  I am who I am.  I want peace and justice in the world.  I want to see and know the world.  I want to make things happen to make things better.  I want to build lasting relationships that will see the other side of life.  I know they will I know they have to.  How can they not last that long? Plans are not life.  Life is what happens right now. 

It's easy to think of peace looking at a mountain
It's easy to think of history looking at the sky
Is it better to jump in the fountain
Or follow the words on the sign?

Lost Art

I decided to start my blog in a rather unremarkable time in my life.  This past year has been extraordinary.  I lived with my best friend and roommate, Irina.  I drove to Iowa to have adventures in the most beautiful and unlikely places.  I surfed couches, I saw puffins, I started a job, I got into graduate schools, I met the love of my life, I lost the love of my life, I found imperfect love, I lost my best friend to immigration laws,  I went to Ukraine, I almost drowned in a lake, I kissed in a cenote, and I wandered to Trader Joes listening to Third Eye Blind demanding that my spirit fly to the stars and make the world balance perfectly.  Not all but most of those things are gone now.  Irina will go to graduate school in London, my other best friend and soulmate Hannah will be in Chicago.  I will be here trying to get through graduate school to do what I'm dying to do without going crazy waiting to do it, waiting to live where I want to live, be with the people I want to be with, and beginning a new adventure.  At the cusp of loosing my most recent body of artwork to yet another Lipscomb Art Department purging.  I've decided to look it in the eye and say for not the first or last time, I will start over again.  It will be better this time and I will make things happen.  Life starts over whenever we want it to.  Today it starts over.