Life and Love and Why

        Lately, as my life becomes more and more complicated I am more and more overwhelmed by the story of my life and how it's supposed to read.  I know I am the author and I'm still writing and writing and writing and it's like I've created a million different plot lines and I can't figure out how to pull them together.  I sit staring at my life thinking of the infinite possibilities that are staring me in the face.  I don't mean infinite possibilities as in I'm spoiled for choice, but my life is like a horizonless ocean with so many directions to go I cannot tell which one will take me to the right shore.  And what is the right shore?  North, South, East, West or any of the 356 degrees in between?  I fell in love again.  It wasn't the story I thought it would be.  He is earth and wood, color and chrome, dreams and demise.  He became the story I wanted.  Then he became the story I ran from years ago.  Hot and cold, yes and no, all and nothing.  I told myself this wasn't the story I wanted anyway.  I wanted the template of higher education, religion, breadwinner, and creature comfort.  Professors together understanding one another implicitly through psychology and knowing just what to say.  Not wordless understanding, love at first sight, a stay at home dad who wants to settle down.  Not an alien pondering, pot smoking, yogi who talks incessantly, washes my feet, cooks me gourmet meals, bandages my cuts, and takes me to lunch with his 93 year old grandfather who tells me his own love story.
        What is a love story really?  Is it happenstance?  Is it a series of choices?  Some people regret their stories...but could it really have been written any other way if you are yourself?  I am myself.  I love long and deep and hard.  Intense, that's what he called it, me, us.  I am myself and I can't be anything else unless I don't care.
         I suppose now, my love story is:  I fell in love in a day, we lived as if we were partners in life, we were afraid and fell apart, I still love him, I'm still afraid.  But I do live happily and will continue to live happily ever after.  After what?  I don't know...the story isn't over yet.